i saw a youtube video about working/doing online school from home and it said i have to name my feelings before getting to work. so, here we go. its day 37-ish of sheltering in place and its been a fun time until yesterday when my estrogen MAJORLY crashed. i don't struggle with depression (i'm more of an anxiety gal), but i've been feeling depressed today and yesterday. and by depressed, i don't mean sad. i mean unmotivated, lazy, overwhelmed by the slightest amount of information, and uninspired by the things that would normally have me jumping off the walls. i had two caffeinated drinks today and i think both of them were broken. i took my cortivive (adrenal support) and iron pills and i still feel so tired. i feel very frustrated because i want that temporary happiness that comes from being productive but its just out of reach. i say "temporary happiness" because we all know that the true source of everlasting happiness is God!!!!! but you know...i still want to have a fun & happy day of motivation and productivity. so i'm feeling down because of this. just kinda bummed out that i don't have a full tank of energy today.
i'm also feeling very overwhelmed because i have homework that needs to be done. i also have to sort out a song for my virtual performance in class tomorrow. i also have a stupidly easy class at 7 where we all zoom and chat about piano for 20 minutes. and yet this is all so overwhelming!!! the tiniest stressors are making me completely passive! and i'm supposed to be that 3w4 who thrives under pressure! honestly, all this work is very easy. i only should need to work on homework for like 2 hours and spend 20-30 minutes on music. but i just feel overwhelmed omg! i think i need to be okay with that feeling though. i think thats the point of writing how i'm feeling. so i'll say it: i am disappointed with the way my day is going and i am overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have yet to face.
my conclusion? i'm not sure. this helped though...i'm going to gracefully get this day back on track and i'll start by eating some food. and i'm gonna be content with the fact that i do not like the way i feel today. i'm so thankful that God created the beautiful hormone of estrogen and i know that she'll come back eventually.
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