welcome to the month (or first month...) of coronavirus. everything was going great until spring break when schools closed, church was cancelled, and we were all told to practice social distancing to stop the spread of COVID-19. so before we really get into my life this month, let me give you some of my thoughts on the situation.
for someone who has anxiety, you would think this situation would just wreck me. but i honestly haven’t been anxious. the only reason i’m anxious is because i’m home too much and that might cause me to overthink things that have nothing to do with the virus or any real life problems.
although doing online school and staying motivated is really hard in “quarantine,” i have enjoyed my time at home. my only regret is that i probably won’t be living on campus anymore and that no coffee shops are open. but i’ve enjoyed having a kitchen and a seemingly endless supply of food to cook with. and i’ve loved tanning by the pool with belle, katie, and abby. i’ve finally mastered the at-home lavender latte with almond milk and have attempted to “play coffee shop” in my house to trick my brain into doing homework. i’ve watched a lot of youtube videos to help me develop a morning routine and to inspire me to clean/declutter my room. i’ve enjoyed skyping samuel and watching the office using screen sharing...samuel has been sick with a cough for a few weeks now so i’m keeping my distance :/ and my family has been figuring out how many online games you can play over zoom or google hangouts. i’m enjoying this time because i love it when things are a little different. that might be a weird and insensitive thing to say in the middle of a worldwide pandemic and economic crash but........it’s ok.
in other news, I had my senior recital this month. technically it went well for having influenza A the weekend before and for simply having a rough week leading up to it. i really do believe that God was the one who made it possible for me to sing that night. to be honest, the recital didn’t go the way i wanted it to. but i think that’s where God gets his glory. and now that i’ve had two weeks of no singing, i’m ready to have fun in voice lessons again.
it was so fun to have rachel and her mom here for my recital and the first few days of spring break. we relaxed a lot and tanned a lot and listened to the 36 questions podcast musical. we unknowingly made our last tj maxx trip and got our nails done with that permanent nail dip technique that will now be stuck on my nails until coronavirus passes. although i had to say goodbye to samuel on sunday and rachel on monday, it was still great to have some social closeness before things went south.
after the week of my recital, i wasn’t sure if God was teaching me anything crazy anymore. although the world around me was falling apart, i didn’t feel like anything was really going on in my soul. but the thing is, dealing with the “bleh” of my heart is a lesson in itself that i have not fully learned. i’ve found myself loving and relying on my daily lifestyle more than God. i’ve lived some days as a “functional atheist” as soon as i check off my bible study. but i truly want this quarantine to force me to rely on Him more and i want to come out of this so much closer in relationship with him. i’m disappointed sometimes that this isn’t happening. i’m disappointed that God felt so much more real when i was in the tough times of january and february. but that is great evidence that suffering is for our benefit...i just hope that this brand of suffering (suffering from the mundane) will still show God’s glory and make me love him more in the end.
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